Butch and Me

Me and Butch was sluggin the bed when the collector came by and told us about them fins at south beach and how some tourist was gonna get eatin so we fired up the dodge van to drive down there and see them fins in person. Didn’t have no sticker so we went up to Priscilla and guess what? Somebody was holdin our favorite parkin spot for us with cinder blocks so we stuck the van and hoofed it from there. South beach looked pretty much the same to Me and Butch but we could tell right off that something was different cause the onion rings smelled fresh, like they was just made. Me and Butch like our rings with a little age on em. Kinda disappointin that the smell was all wrong but we was at the beach for fins not rings. Got to the beech and the first thing Me and Butch saw was a big orange beach ball way out innna water all by its lonesome. So Butch back stroked out there to fetch it so we could sell it to some kid and get rings with the pro seeds. Sure nuff, Butch grabbed the thing and it musta been alive cause it hollered at him something fierce. And it was hangin onto the bottom and wooden let go. So Butch peed and was back stroking to shore when he saw them fins for the first time. They was just lazin in the waves like they owned the joint. Butch didn wanna bother em or nothin. He just back stroked around em to get a good look. Them fins just bobbed inna waves not payin Butch no mind. Butch didn think that there was nothing to worry about so he peed a little more and stroked onta shore. Butch is a real thinkin kinda guy. He figured out that them fins wasn’t after no tourist they was after the rings. Cause when Butch and Me was standin onna beech, them fins got outta the water makin straitaway to Liam’s. I knew that they was fins all right cause they had them little bathin soots and was talkin sing songy and they had sun burn somethin fierce. But we couldn figure out how them fins coulda got a beech sticker. Musta parked on Priscilla.

DragonKraft!

Dear Readers, I am called theonlyjohnny and I am here to talk about my website and server: DragonKraft, and a game that is called MineCraft. Minecraft is a AWESOME computer game where you can do anything! Everything is made out of blocks. DragonKraft is a server owned by yours truly that is hoping to make it to the top. You can eMail me with questions at support@DragonKraft.net or check us out at www.DragonKraft.net ! -Thanks For Your Support!

Letter to the Editor

Dear Nauset Faucet, Sharks deserve prey. I, however, don't want to be prey. Our local governments need to make some hard decisions about how to handle the shark problem. We could become like Australia and have netting at the beaches to keep the sharks out of swimming areas, but that's a lot of effort and doesn't always work. We could try a high-pitched noise that sharks don't like. Or, we could go back to the way things used to be…. before the seal population exploded. The way I see it, no seals = no sharks. I have a solution that will reduce the shark population without harming them, improve public safety for humans, bolster family values, and create jobs for locals. It's called THE BLUBBER FESTIVAL! The first day will feature a traditional seal harvest. We'll comp some celebrities to draw participants. Sarah Palin could harvest from the air, for example. Others could just harvest from a boat or the beach. That night, we'll have ritual offerings. And the next day we'll honor the seals' sacrifice with a celebration of blubber -- blubber wrestling, blubber slides and bouncy blubber for kids, and the old-fashioned blubber eating contest. I believe that after THE BLUBBER FESTIVAL, the shark issue will be diminished. Sincerely, Laura Longsworth

Ask Aunt Polly

Dear Aunt Polly, My husband of 11 years is a house painter. Last summer he painted the home of a part-time resident in our shore community, a divorced woman who prevailed on him to do a lot of extra non-paid chores for her. Now she's back, and he's again "helping her out occasionally." A friend says she sees his car there "all the time". Who should I believe? Suspicious on Long Island. Dear Suspicious: If your friend is truly a friend, you need not hire a detective before having a serious chat with your husband - and a lawyer. Dear Aunt Polly, Why are some people so selfish? I belong to a community garden, where members have plots to grow their favorite flowers and vegetables. For most of us this provides some socializing as well as a chance to garden and grow the flowers and food we most enjoy. For instance, several of us are publishing a little cookbook of our favorite recipes, and another group is holding a veggie supper for the homeless. We've set up a horse-shoe pit in one plot and a childrens' swing and slide in another, plus a little wading pool for small kids, and a lemonade stand. Every Friday somebody brings cocktails, and two women who collect things have a flea market going. The man next to me sells old library books at one end of his plot. But some gardeners are complaining about crowds trampling their gardens, and now won't pay their community garden fee. How fair is that? We can't keep our gardens going if they don't cooperate. Rose, in Bloomington Dear Rose: Some people garden to get away from life's complexities. Back to the soil, it's called, or rest for the soul. I think you may need two separate community garden areas in Bloomington, one for extroverts. Dear Aunt Polly, My fiance and I have been looking at rings. The one I truly would be proud to wear the rest of my life he says is out of his price range. Do you see anything wrong with my paying the difference? I earn a better salary than my fiance, and the installment fees aren't onerous for me. No one else would know, so why can't he see it my way? Are we in for trouble ahead? Wedding Belle, New York City Dear Belle: Maybe no one else will know, but your fiance's pride will take a hit every time someone admires your ring. If that doesn't bother you, yes, you're in for trouble ahead.

News from the GreenHornes!

Reporting from GreenHorne Gardens Penny (the pooch) sends summer greetings to the East Coast. In this picture she is assuming her favorite position. Penny loves a good chest rub. Molly just moved into her new apartment in Berkeley. She is about to start a doctoral program in Classics at Cal. She is specializing in dead languages. Nick is working at the Santa Monica Air Center. He has a cool apartment in Marina del Rey but he stops by regularly to do his laundry and raid our larder. Barbara retired on July 5th. HALLELUJAH. The City gave her a warm retirement party upstairs at Typhoon Restaurant. Barbara will continue to work at home preparing for oral argument in her case before the California Supreme Court. I'm in charge of walking the dog. The upside is I have an excuse for a daily roll around my neighborhood. It's a great way to meet your neighbors. Last week we encountered Joan and her Golden Retriever coming out of a gate 5 houses down the street. I asked her when she moved into the neighborhood. She said 25 years ago. Oh yeah, the downside involves not falling out of my chair when I lean over for a little scooping.