Ask Aunt Polly

Dear Aunt Polly, My husband of 11 years is a house painter. Last summer he painted the home of a part-time resident in our shore community, a divorced woman who prevailed on him to do a lot of extra non-paid chores for her. Now she's back, and he's again "helping her out occasionally." A friend says she sees his car there "all the time". Who should I believe? Suspicious on Long Island. Dear Suspicious: If your friend is truly a friend, you need not hire a detective before having a serious chat with your husband - and a lawyer. Dear Aunt Polly, Why are some people so selfish? I belong to a community garden, where members have plots to grow their favorite flowers and vegetables. For most of us this provides some socializing as well as a chance to garden and grow the flowers and food we most enjoy. For instance, several of us are publishing a little cookbook of our favorite recipes, and another group is holding a veggie supper for the homeless. We've set up a horse-shoe pit in one plot and a childrens' swing and slide in another, plus a little wading pool for small kids, and a lemonade stand. Every Friday somebody brings cocktails, and two women who collect things have a flea market going. The man next to me sells old library books at one end of his plot. But some gardeners are complaining about crowds trampling their gardens, and now won't pay their community garden fee. How fair is that? We can't keep our gardens going if they don't cooperate. Rose, in Bloomington Dear Rose: Some people garden to get away from life's complexities. Back to the soil, it's called, or rest for the soul. I think you may need two separate community garden areas in Bloomington, one for extroverts. Dear Aunt Polly, My fiance and I have been looking at rings. The one I truly would be proud to wear the rest of my life he says is out of his price range. Do you see anything wrong with my paying the difference? I earn a better salary than my fiance, and the installment fees aren't onerous for me. No one else would know, so why can't he see it my way? Are we in for trouble ahead? Wedding Belle, New York City Dear Belle: Maybe no one else will know, but your fiance's pride will take a hit every time someone admires your ring. If that doesn't bother you, yes, you're in for trouble ahead.